


When Hawke Spared Anders

by StoleTarts



Series: Dragon Age: A How-To Guide [4]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 22:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2042703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoleTarts/pseuds/StoleTarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short collection of inner monologues during the time when Hawke chooses whether Anders lives or dies</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Hawke Spared Anders

**Aveline** was not surprised. Hawke was not an executioner. Beyond that, he was loyal to a fault. He believed in true justice, not this misguided representation that Anders spouted on about day in and day out. He stood by his friends. No, not just that. He stood by his  _family_. Thick or thin, right or wrong. You couldn't buy that kind of commitment. Her place…was with him.

 **Merrill** was not surprised. Hawke hated blood mages just as much as Anders and Fenris did. He believed them to be cowards, looking for easy solutions to short-term problems without thinking about long-term repercussions. Maybe he was right all along, but as easily as he could have tossed her to be torn apart by her own people, he didn't. Instead, he defended her. He reminded them that this was her fault. That she had made her bed and now had to lie in it for the rest of her days. He saved her if only so that she could live in the suffering reality caused by her own choices. She had wanted to pay the price for her blood magic and it seemed that having to live with that guilt was her true penance. She knew that he would do the same with Anders.

 **Varric** was not surprised. Of course Hawke let Anders live. Hawke was the type of friend who would vouch for your story even if you made it up while drunk off your ass to impress a girl you barely knew. You could claim that Hawke was really a zombie pirate dragon who had come down from the heavens to steal our wine and women. "Sure am!" he would say. He was the type that would pull you out of a losing card game, pay off your debts, and taunt you about it while you suffered from a hangover the next day. Betrayal wasn't in his blood. His life would have been easier if he just brushed people aside, but he wouldn't even consider it. Not in a million years.

 **Isabella** was not surprised. "That stupid fool," she thought with a smile on her face. "Putting yourself in danger for those of us who really don't deserve it. You stupid, stupid fool." Isabella knew first-hand what Hawke was like. He protected her against the Arishok, even after lying and stealing from him like that. Even after she was the catalyst that started the shortest conquering attempt in all of Qunari history, he kept her safe and sound. She would remain at his side this time, caught in the middle of something that really had nothing to do with her in the first place, but she wouldn't leave. She owed him in more ways than just a simple debt. She owed him everything. This was as good enough of a place to start paying him back as any.

 **Fenris** was not surprised. He looked to Hawke with concern and to Anders with rage, but who was he to be angry? He knew more than anyone what it was like to be loved by Hawke. How, despite Fenris's constant hatred towards mages, Hawke still smiled at him every day. How, despite Fenris's constant mood swings and struggle with his violent nature, Hawke had even grown to love him. Fenris had hated mages for as long as he could remember, yet the most gentle gazes, sweetest kisses, and loving touches he had ever felt came from one. It was ironic, to say the least, and he was a fool to let that go. His pride is what pushed Hawke away. That was no one's fault but his. So, here was Anders, a stupid mage so absorbed with his own sense of pride and vengeance that it had festered to the point of becoming an abomination. Fenris had seen many weak mages fall like this before and he had never felt sorry for any of them. However, this fallen mage was now being loved by a man who Fenris  _knew_  would never give up on. It hurt to watch Hawke suffer. If Fenris had never let his own pride get the best of him, Anders's life would have been forfeit. The weak mage would have gotten a quick death and it would have been done with, but now it was not Fenris's place to interfere. He could only support Hawke the best way he could. If that meant not abandoning him a second time, so be it.

 **Carver** was not surprised. "My brother makes jokes to hide his true feelings," he once said to Varric. "Father was the same way. He never wanted to frighten us when we were just kids on the run. He wanted us to be brave for each other." Carver had joined the Templars out of spite, though he didn't admit it at the time. He wanted to be someone special, like his brother was. He wanted that recognition and that fame. He wanted to be able to laugh in the face of danger like Seren when faced with impossible odds. He was too foolish at the time to put together that his brother laughed because he was actually scared. Seren wasn't just scared for his own life, but also for all lives around him that needed protecting. Seren was scared for Carver, for Bethany, for his mother, and for his friends. Carver had grown up since then. He knew that his brother wasn't just protecting Anders or a bunch of mages that he didn't even know. Seren was still protecting Bethany and his family. He was protecting the sons and daughters that would be lost in this needless slaughter. He was protecting his lover, who had lost their way by feeling helpless against the seemingly impossible burden placed upon every mage at birth which meant that your life was not only meaningless, but also a curse. Carver knew this feeling. Yes, he had become a Templar out of spite, but now he was protecting his sister like his brother was. The way he should have been protecting her his entire life. He would want her to know that she not meaningless or a burden he had been forced to carry. If she had been a mage trapped in this place, he would have been the Templar to remind her that she wasn't a piece of garbage to be gathered and thrown away. He would have been the type of Templar to remind her that she too, deserved happiness.

 **Sebastian** was surprised. Hawke, who loved the Maker, was protecting a man who forsaken His name. Anders had spit on Andraste's sacrifice. Who did he think he was? This was not justice. This was murder, plain and simple. Hawke was a loyal friend, but even loyalty had its limits. How can you call someone your friend,  _your lover_ , if they kill the innocent for such selfish reasons? How could you continue to love someone who would strike down those who spoke nothing but truth and kindness? Hawke was a fool. He would be damned in the Maker's eyes now and if he chose to stand in the fires with Anders, then so be it. They could burn together.

 **Anders** was surprised. He knew Hawke more than anyone, he thought. He knew that Hawke never liked to bother anyone. He knew that after Fenris had left him, Hawke carried a broken heart for a long time. In a way, he still did. Anders knew that Hawke still cared for Fenris, even now. With this, he thought he was actually doing Hawke a favor by removing himself from that man's life. He never believed that Hawke actually loved him. They fought entirely too much about mage rights, even though they were both mages themselves. Anders found Hawke to be entirely too self-righteous in believing that the world would change when it was ready to. It was a fantasy. No, the world they lived in would only change if someone finally tipped the scales. Someone had to show the world that mages were being rounded up and treated like second-class citizens. They were shunned and abused just for being born different. Hawke was a mage. His father was a mage. His sister was a mage. How could he not understand?! Hawke would thank him one day, when the mages were free and people like his sister didn't have to be scared for simply existing. Where mages could finally live and love openly without having their children taken away or be caged in separate rooms like animals.

He felt Hawke's knife line up against his back as it aimed directly for his heart. As the blade pulled away, Anders took in a deep breath and waited for the sudden sharp pain that would end this. It was a good way to go, being killed by someone you hated, respected, and loved all at the same time, but that sudden ending never came. Instead, this felt much worse. Hawke had spared his life, extending a hand instead with a sad smile. Anders had been wrong. He was loved after all. He was loved so damn much that the feeling hit him all at once. He had been told this for years but never believed it until now. The words flooded his chest as the walls came crumbling down. Anders didn't deserve it. He had been a selfish bastard most of his life without giving a second thought to those around him, but now he…

Maker, what had he done?


End file.
